Satire: Biden Nominates New Transportation Secretary

This article contains commentary which reflects the author's opinion
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With Pete Buttigeig’s recent disgrace in the BikeGate scandal, it is not surprising that President Joe Biden began looking for a new leader of the Department of Transportation. Buttigeig has been an unmitigated disaster during his tenure as Trans Secretary, pushing for an end to fossil fuels and a road tax, in addition to other taxes. With the scandal last week, it is not apparent that the public has lost trust in the Former Mayor of South Bend. This has led to a rash move by Joe Biden during his gun speech.

The Speech Itself

Joe Biden’s proposals to restrict firearms access for law abiding Americans spit in the face of those who support gun rights. With little suggestion to remove guns from criminal hands, Biden’s speech was panned as a Democrat gun grab. He concentrated on three areas that he wanted to correct: Red Flag Laws, Arm Braces, and Ghost Guns. None of these items is forecasted to make a major difference in the gun crime epidemic.

Biden’s position on Red Flag laws is the same Democrat virtue signaling that has been going on for years. The ability for police to seize the firearms of a person who is thought to be a danger to themselves or others is currently present; it is called due process. If a person is accused of planning and telling others about a crime that they are going to commit (including suicide) that lays groundwork for conspiracy to commit, which is a crime. If a person is committing a crime, evidence and equipment for the crime can be detained. The Red Flag ability already exists. However, Democrats want to “lower the standard” for this, even though every major mass shooter has already been on the FBI watchlist. Rather than “lower the standard” we really, as a nation, need to hold our top law enforcement bodies responsible for letting known criminals commit criminal acts under their watch.

Joe Biden’s Ghost Gun policy is also an embarrassment. Rather than focusing on the problem of criminals having guns, they focus on ghost guns turned in during “gun buybacks.” A ghost gun costs about $100 to make (cheaply) with a 3D printer. People make them, turn them into gun buybacks for $200 and make $100 in profit. It is an exploitation of a poorly thought out government program. However, gun advocate groups then use these numbers as “recovered” guns (recovered implies that the government owned them in the first place) and shout in outrage over nominal increases. In most major cities, the numbers are under 150. Law-abiding citizens have a right to manufacture guns as long as they do not sell them; punishing these people is unconstitutional. Criminals have no right to own firearms; we can punish them under the current laws. Once again, if the ATF and FBI, along with liberal mayors, did their jobs, they could deal with this problem without new laws.

Finally, Biden hates arm braces. A rifle, by definition, is a long barreled gun. The ATF’s “Short Barreled Rifle” policy is an oxymoron, kind of like a group created to infringe people’s rights to own firearms in a nation where the “right to bear arms shall not be infringed.” Once again, if the ATF turned their attention to the gangs of Chicago, rather than the hunters of Texas, we might actually see a decrease in gun deaths in the United States.

A Turn of Phrase

Biden wants himself seen as the progress president, even though he has made little progress in federal office during his tenure there. Let us remind everyone of his tenure: there were not personal computers when Biden first started public office (1977). The hottest (only) gaming system on the market was the Magnavox Odyssey (please note Magnavox is so old that the spell checker did not even recognize the name. The song “American Pie” came out his first year in office. The countries of United Arab Republic, Sikkim, Ceylon, Czechoslovakia, East Germany, the U.S.S.R. and Yugoslavia all ceased to exist during his tenure in office.

In Biden’s speech, he was so desperate to improve his status as being a progressive president that he claimed we would soon be able to fly around the world in one hour. To do this, much the chagrin of Secretary Buttigeig, he named George Jetson as acting Secretary of Transportation. “Mr. Jetson has a long-established record of getting people where they need to go,” stated Biden. He continued, “He is a career man, a family man, and a man we can count on to move this country into the future.”

As the White House staff quickly shuffled the president back into the basement, there was immediate outcry from Democrats in Congress. Most Democrats said they would challenge the nomination as George Jetson does not, in fact, exist: he is a cartoon character. Senator Duckworth led the charge for the LGBQTIP community saying that this is an “insult to people of different sexual persuasions, lifestyles, trucks, cats, gophers…” then she trailed off. One senator said, “He may be a cartoon character, but he would still do a better job than Pete Buttigeig.”

Outreach to the White House has largely been ignored, but one staffer on the condition of anonymity stated that the White House subscription to Cartoon Network and Boomerang had been terminated before “Joe appoints Homer Simpson to the Department of Energy.” Matt Groening could not be reached for comment.

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Dr. Christopher W. Smithmyer

Dr. Christopher W. Smithmyer

Dr Christopher Smithmyer is the Vice President of International Affairs at Brav Online Conflict Management and an Adjunct Professor of MBA Business at Doane University. He is also part of the founding team at BlackWalletLTD, one of the leaders in stable coin 2.0 ecosystem maintenance. Dr. Smithmyer’s focus is international business and finance, along with reviews of board games, weapons platforms, and survival items.

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