Letdown: When Charlie’s Angels Fell

This article contains commentary which reflects the author's opinion
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Reboot of Charlie’s Angels Failed

Remember the days of when Kelly Garrett, Sabrina Duncan, and Jill Monroe entered the airwaves of the 1970s Technicolor TV shows? Those colorful bellbottoms, neckerchief scarves, big hair, and weekly episodes of solving crimes commissioned by Charlie. Also ensuring boys of the 70s always had to sneak in a Wednesday night episode of pubescent pleasure from their girl crushes.

Remember when it was simpler times of good writing, women not touted as just strong, but women touted as women who happen to be strong based entirely on the skills women are known historically to have. Seduction, subversion, and sleek chic assassination attempts. When needed, they would have to employ some butt-kicking measures “because empowerment,” but not like it is today.

Gone are the days of the 1970s revolution for female empowerment. We can even erase the early 2000s when Cameron Diaz, Lucy Liu, and Drew Barrymore pulled of the charms of Charlie’s Angels. In current year 2019, woke Angels arrived on the screen and fell faster than God kicking Lucifer out of heaven.

Angels 2000s to Now

More often than not in the last few years, we have gotten movies nobody really asked for. Nobody asked for Dark Fate, no one cared for some of the Disney reboots and the numbers generally showed. Nobody asked for the Star Wars filler flicks like Rogue One or Solo, and nobody really asked for a Charlie’s Angels reboot. The last Charlie’s Angel we got was a sequel to the 2000 Charlie’s Angels, which was Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle.  

It was a time when Matrix-like wiring fight choreography was at the height of it being used, even though Hong Kong kung-fu movies were already using this technique. It was The Matrix who merged computer effects in it making it all the more visually surreal. 2000s Charlie’s Angels took this and decided to add a little more T&A, and it attracted the masses.

With a $98 million budget, it took home $125.3 million in North America and after aggregating the total between domestic and global ticket sales, it became the 12th highest grossing movie of Y2K. Then with the numbers, a sequel emerged in 2003, which did underperform from its predecessor, but most sequels tend to do that anyway. It was still a fun movie with the addition to Demi Moore, and plot twists with Crispin Glover and the late Bernie Mac.

That was the last thing we ever really got out of Charlie’s Angels and it quietly stayed in film-noir history for the most part. Nobody asked for a reboot but as it goes in today’s day, reboots are needed. Because it‘s 2019, there needs to be a message, a push for intersectional feminism.

Enter Elizabeth Banks. Yes folks, Elizabeth Banks, noted for movies like “Zack and Miri Make a Porno,” “Seabiscuit,” “40-Year-Old Virgin,” “Wet Hot American Summer,” “The Hunger Games,” as well as a myriad of other movies that never really held much critical acclaim.  She decides for some odd reason to reach back and reboot the Charlie’s Angel movie. Banks casts some youngbloods to be the stars, decided on Twilight co-star Kristen Stewart as the lead angel, along with a couple of no-name actresses. As for the token black guy, Banks casts Djimon Honsou because, representation.

Men are to Blame for the Clipped Wings

Let’s get down to it: The movie failed. It failed miserably, raking in only $8.9 million on its opening weekend. The movie cost $48 million to make! On the domestic front, it only made $8.9 million. International ticket sales pulled in only $19.2 million. The movie underdelivered royally. There is no beating around the bush, no padding the honest truth, no need to pretty it up. It imploded and failed domestically, and just royally failed. The Angels of 2019 never took off and were able to fly.

What’s worse here is not just the numbers. Leave it to an intersectional feminist director to blame the failure on everything else but her, namely men. Elizabeth Banks blames men for NOT seeing her movie. The reason for the flop is because men refuse to see strong female casts in movies. Yes, that is her reason.

Interesting though, Wonder Woman raked in $821 million in 2017, Captain Marvel earned $1.1 billion (though many speculate Disney padding the ticket sales by purchasing large quantities of tickets to boost sale numbers, but that has yet to be confirmed), and the modern release of the Y2K Charlie’s Angels grossed 4 times more than Bank’s reboot. It is generally men who are watching these movies, and so clearly Bank’s assertion is proven false.

Intersectional Movies are Money Pits

Besides being a movie nobody asked for, Charlie’s Angels 2019 was threaded with the needle of intersectional feminism. Another woke movie telling the masses that men need to take a backseat and let the women drive the car.  Hollywood is not getting the message and with a $38 million loss with this movie, its a wonder we have to keep saying this over and over again. 

Get woke, go broke, and with Charlie’s Angel 2019, it’s the same thing that happened with Ghostbusters 2016 and Oceans 8. These pro-feminism, poorly written, big-budget films that attempt to steal the success of its predecessors are money pits. It’s always the same, the film implodes, and Hollywood doesn’t get the message. They just keep doing it. And we will continue to tow this line, get woke, go broke!